*Official 2044 campaign image for the 52nd President of the United States.*

This is my official declaration to run for President of the United States in 2044, a campaign to become the nation’s 52nd President! Why wait until 2044 you ask? Fifty two is a key number and the central pillar of my campaign, “Vacation for the Nation.” It should be noted that this official slogan was coined by my wife’s cousin Dave, and as such, I nominate him to be my Secretary of Holidays. Personally, I’ll be 54 in 2044 which sounds like a presidential age sweet spot - not a young whippersnapper or senile (though it’s a shame I won’t be 52). Plenty of time to get my life in order first.

So, 52? There are fifty two weeks in every calendar year.

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Ok, fine. I’ll provide more context, but at the foundation of this campaign is the concept of less is more. Less of what exactly? Less work to create more fun and opportunity for all citizens of these United States. Studies have been piling up from four day work week pilot programs (see here). The research mostly comes from our friends in Europe (I assume we’re still friends despite the 47th President’s administration, but that was five president’s ago, it’s 2044!). The results thus far have determined that when working only four days per week, rather than five (gross!), employees are happier, healthier, and more productive.

With this scientific data in hand I have formulated the basis of my campaign. A pressure offensive to get all US companies on a four day work week schedule. American companies are resistant to change so I expect heavily funded push back. To ensure my one-and-only campaign promise is enacted, I will announce one new federal holiday during each month of my (first) term until we achieve an average of one federal holiday per seven calendar days - fifty two federal holidays per year. The slow roll out will give employers time to adjust their schedules until a four day work week is unavoidable.

Frequently Asked Questions (that no one has asked yet):

We already have 11 federal holidays, are you going to add 52 more?

Maybe. Every existing holiday will be re-evaluated for it’s relevance and worthiness of holiday status. The significance of the number 52 is only in that there is one federal holiday for every 52 week period (one year). There could be 41 new holidays. There could be 52 new holidays. Obviously certain holidays such as Independence Day or Christmas will be protected in our complete holiday audit.

Will you be running as a Democrat or a Republican?

Independent. As in, independent of your personal opinion. There is no political party that can contain or encapsulate the excitement surrounding the idea of less work and more fun. Too much baggage is associated with legacy political parties, we all need a fresh start. This campaign is for all of America, not half.

This seems geared toward salaried office employees. How will this help hourly, shift, or essential employees in professions like health care?

I’ll work out the fine print later, at this time I believe my top priority is staying on message. Vacation for the Nation! Corporate goons will inevitably use their wormy lawyers to find loopholes. I intend to close every gap and leave no American behind! Obviously we can’t have firefighters, cops, 9-1-1 operators, or emergency surgeons completely AWOL three days a week. And we won’t! My plan will create more jobs to share the workload for all, and we won’t allow executives to pay you less for the privilege. Plus, a holiday per week generates far more opportunities for overtime pay if the bastards won’t let you stay home.

What are your policy positions on other topics?

Not important. No one wants to hear my “hot take” on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. My objective is to stay relentlessly on message at all times, even on a debate stage. What’s my position on immigration? Immigrants like holidays too. What’s my plan for climate change? One less day of America commuting to the office every single week ought to make a dent in carbon emissions. Will you be tough on crime? Who commits crime on their day off? Fifty two crime holidays for all. More holidays will solve nearly every issue. You get the picture.

Fine, I’ll hire all of the top experts to advise me on the rest of the stuff when I get to the Oval. Satisfied?

Do you really think you can win on a single issue?

Yes. I dare you to ask any single American who isn’t a CEO or billionaire if they would like more time off from work. Vacation for the Nation is all about universal mass appeal, baby!

What will the new holidays be? They can’t be stupid ones.

Hey, watch the attitude! Of course they won’t be stupid ones. Or maybe they will be, why do you even care if you get a free day off? I will instruct my Secretary of Holidays to perform a total holiday audit. Each new holiday will come with an official government guidebook on how best to celebrate it. Details on each new holiday will roll out along with the campaign. Say, for example, the Autumn Equinox becomes a federal holiday. We’d suggest having a campfire, drinking apple cider, or touring some foliage. That sort of thing.

Don’t federal holidays mean I won’t get mail and my bank will be closed?

This is true. The Google AI thingy says “federal offices, banks, and post offices are closed, and federal workers are given the day off. While many businesses choose to observe federal holidays as well, it's not a legal requirement for them to do so.” I guess we can keep that for the existing holidays and grandfather it in. It seems problematic for this to happen 52 times a year though. We’ll work on it and get back to you.

I want to get in on the ground floor, can I order some merch?

Yes! I’m glad you asked. Official campaign merchandise can be found here, ready to order. All proceeds will go toward funding the “Vacation for the Nation” campaign. Though I currently have no special bank accounts or whatever else legally setup for this. I suppose I’ve got 19 years to figure it out. In the meantime, legally speaking, your purchase will fund this author, his blog, and the rest of this series on holidays - cutely framed as an official political campaign for office, a fictional parody at this time.