Vacation For The Nation (Part 4)
American patriots, circa 2044, celebrating President Quimby’s new summer holidays.
This is Part 4 of the ongoing series “Vacation For The Nation.” Read: Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3
Welcome back to my series, Vacation For The Nation! As a reminder this is my very real and totally non-farcical campaign to become the 52nd President of the United States of America. In Part 1, I stated the overarching goal of my plan for our country. In Part 2, I audited the first quarter of the year and was forced to explain a few pieces of legislation no one cares about. In part 3, I audited the spring months (April - June) and went to battle with the moon. In Part 4, we will continue to determine how to create a permanent four-day work week, now for the summer months (July - September) which are woefully bereft.
Many American’s enjoy vacationing in July. Let’s make that a bit easier.
Independence Day is an obvious winner and I won’t be tampering with at all. Well, except for the fact that in 2026 it falls on a Saturday which typically means we’d get a day off in observance on Friday the 3rd but, as stated at the outset of this series, all holiday observances for weekend holidays will fall on the following Monday. So, for 2026 the day off will come on Monday the 6th. Enjoy the long patriotic weekend!
As a result of July 4th being a date abhorred by animals, the second week of July will now feature Pets Day to make up for it. Take the day to pamper your furry friends with walkies, scritchies, fetchies, treats, and whatever else they love. No fireworks on Pets Day, July 11th, please and thank you! This also fits cutely into the beginning of what is traditionally considered the dog days of summer. For 2026 this will also come with a Monday observance on the 13th. Don’t have pets? Go get one or volunteer at your local animal shelter. Don’t like animals? Have a heart. This one came directly from Dave, my Secretary of Holidays. Three cheers for Dave! Hip-hip-hor…woof?
On July 20, 1969 the first humans landed on the moon marking the first time humanity has ever set foot on another celestial body. We will honor this achievement with Explorers Day. The rest of us Earthbound folks can take part by exploring something new in our local communities, learning about space exploration, or simply by looking up at the moon in the night sky. Is it made of cheese? I there a man in there? No, and YES we did actually land on it.
We’ll round out July with Friends & Neighbors Day on the 27th. We all need a reminder to reconnect with our friends, how about a day off specifically to hang out with them? This way, you’ll know everyone is available! Wait, are your friends all hanging out with their other friends? Go meet your neighbors. I think we’ve all lost that neighborly connection that used to be vital to our communities. Go ask for a cup of sugar, don’t be shy!
Doesn’t it feel good to see four days off built into July? Bonus points if your company does summer Fridays!
Bro? No holidays in August? What are we doing?
Let’s take a moment for incredulity. The audacity to have gone this long without a single August holiday? The kids are frolicking carefree! What about the adults? Plus, it’s nearly impossible to survive on a one income household anymore so people are shelling out thousands of dollars for kids camps. I’m here to take away at least some of that burden.
The first Tuesday in August is National Night Out Day. A community-building event to promote positive interactions between citizens and law enforcement and to encourage neighborhood safety initiatives. This typically culminates in block parties, food, music, and activities for all ages. Sounds like good clean communal summer fun to me.
August 10th will henceforth be known as Art & Culture Day. Go out into the world and immerse yourself in a culture different from your own or view art that may change your perspective in some way, small or profound. Eat at a locally owned ethnic restaurant and ask the staff for recommendations. Visit a museum or sculpture garden. Heck, take off the whole week for a vacation abroad if you’d like!
For the third week in August I’ve co-opted an existing initiative, National Work From Home for Wellness Day. But rather than working from home, how about not working at all? Take the whole day to treat yo self on August 16th! Do whatever it is that you need to do to fill your cup and feel like the best version of you. Exercise, meditate, go outside, stay inside, go shopping, binge a tv show, anything that makes you feel cared for, by you!
Heading into the back end of August, as summer winds down and back-to-school gears up, August 25th is National Parks Day and August 31st is Beach Day. Enjoy the end of summer with a few more days off to go outside and take a deep breath. Go touch grass as they say.
I’d suggest using some tactful PTO on the 3rd and the 24th for even longer summer weekends!
Labor Day is great and all but let’s do even less laboring…
Labor day is in prime position as the first Monday in September. As Beach Day from August covers the week of the 31st, my work here is done. Sometimes those two dates might align funky but I’m focused on 2026 for the time being. They are seven calendar days apart so this should work well more often than not. What makes this interesting is the new holiday just a few days later. 9/11 (also 9-1-1) will be the somber reminder of First Responders Day. I don’t think I need to belabor the point and do any further explanation of why this makes perfect sense. Tip your cap to your local Fire, EMS, Police, and 9-1-1 dispatchers.
It seems right to follow that up with an International Day of Peace. The UN has set this as September 21 but that messes with my alignment of the Autumn Equinox on the 23rd. So, in typical American fashion, I’m bumping it up to the 18th as I please. I assume the UN will follow suit once the United States starts making it an official federal holiday. Ideally, on this date, any ongoing wars would commence with a total cease fire for at least the day. According to the UN website, the date is in place to “promote peace, non-violence, and ceasefires globally, encouraging all of humanity to commit to peace and build a culture of understanding and solidarity… a shared date for people worldwide to set aside differences and focus on fostering inner peace and global harmony.”
As mentioned, this brings us up to the 23rd for the Autumn Equinox, now a federal holiday. Have some cider, pile up some leaves for the kiddos and doggos, wear flannel, check out some pumpkins, watch It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown… that sort of thing.
Lastly, we’ll round out September and the third quarter with Plan of Action Day on the 30th. This seems like a good placement right before the weather turns colder. What’s your plan of action if the power goes out in a snowstorm? What if you get stuck on the side of the road? What’s your plan of action in a fire emergency or a severe weather event? Do you have a “bug out bag” of essentials if you needed to suddenly flee? What would you do when confronted by ICE or an active shooter? This is your day to make a plan and be ready for anything that life throws your way. Be safe, don’t text and drive, and if you see something say something.
New September provides us with several opportunities to evaluate, make plans, and take a deep breath.
Stay tuned for Part 5 as I look to the fourth and final quarter (October - December), traditional the most festive and holiday filled portion of the year.
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